I started to understand that something better was possible than the state of depression I had been living with for so long. The beginning of my 2007 string quartet “Washed by Fire” exhibits this stillness, outside of the progression of time. Later in this piece a sense of joy emerges, which at the time frightened me. In this case the fear I felt while writing this piece, which I associated with successful composition, was the fear of showing things about myself that I didn’t want to acknowledge, either to others or myself. I was afraid to show unguarded joy.
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